One of the best pieces of advice I received from the SLOW group when I was in the deep, dark, depths of grief after my daughter died was… to be kind to myself. For me, being told that it was ok not to be at the coalface of grief all the time was really helpful. Grieving a lost child is hard, hard work so giving yourself a few minutes of respite from the pain is sometimes the only way to get through a day. And… the grief was always there again at the end of my distracting task…
This article from the fantastic blog ‘What’s Your Grief?’ gives seven helpful tips on how to practice self-kindness. Here’s some snippets:-
1. Don’t compare
Try not to compare yourself to your expectations. In fact, it can be helpful to let go of your expectations about grief entirely.
2. Accept that a wide range of emotional, physical, and cognitive experiences are normal in grief
Having a narrow conceptualization of what is normal in grief often causes people to feel like they’re not doing as well as they ought to or, worse, like they’re completely losing it.
3. Give distressing emotions and experiences the time and attention they need
The only thing that would help is to acknowledge the pain and find ways to take care of yourself and heal.
4. Ask for help
You’ve experienced a major hardship and now is the time for you to let others take care of you.
5. Focus on basic needs
If you are able to meet some of your most basic needs, you’ll be in a better position physically and emotionally to deal with your other more complex and nuanced stressors.
6. Give yourself a break
While many people think coping with life after loss is only about confronting and coping with difficult grief emotions, we believe that coping encapsulates anything that helps you feel better and gives you a boost of positive emotion
7. Love the person who died unapologetically
What we know about grief is that an ongoing love and attachment is totally normal! So, go ahead and talk about your loved one as much as you want, do all the little things that keep you close, and, by all means, love them apologetically.
The SLOW support groups give our bereaved parents a chance to talk to other parents that have been through the devastating loss of a child. The groups are open to all that have lost a child and parents can come at any time after the death of their child. For times and dates of forthcoming SLOW support groups link here.
