The lovely Rob Delaney was interviewed by Russell Howard about his grief and his beautiful memories of Henry as he approaches his one-year anniversary.
Rob talks about how bereavement groups can support parents that have lost a child and how it’s helpful to meet bereaved parents that are ‘further on’ in their grief:
I galloped to the first bereaved parents meeting, let me fill my emotions with people who are judging and who know what it’s like….I talk to other parents who’ve lost kids and they say that as time goes on, and it can take a lot of time, that what happens when they think about their child that died, the first thing they feel is really happy.
And he gives advice to the non-bereaved…. What should someone say to a bereaved parent?
At SLOW we know this is a minefield for the non-bereaved but in our experience we find that, more than anything, bereaved parents want to desperately talk about their son or daughter that died:-
What I would say to someone in that situation is, and it’s not one size fits all. If you know somebody who’s lost a big one, like a sibling, a child, a spouse or something. They’re, you’re thinking about that person, I’m thinking about Henry… so if you colme up to me and say “Hey I heard it’s about a year since your son passed away’. You didn’t bring him up, I was already thinking aobut him and you allowed me to talk about him and think about him and that to me is such a pleasure. I’m not tying to put a verbal band aid on anyone’s grief so you can also try and relax because there is nothing you can say that will fix it but you should acknowledge it.
Which reminds me of my all-time favourite grief quote from Elizabeth Edwards:
Rob summed up his grief by talking about how love and grief are intertwined:-
The reason it hurts so much is because of how much I love him. Grief and love are really weaved together. So, I should be sad right now.
At SLOW we provide a safe space to share and talk to other bereaved parents about the pain of losing a child. All bereaved parents are welcome, at any time after the death of their child. All our groups are facilitated by bereaved parents.
For more information on our forthcoming groups click here.